The time we got run over!

Watch out! I turn around and there’s a car reversing right towards us. 
I moved forwards covering P in a spider man pose as she ran backwards tripped and crawled back on all fours, this car was still coming in to us.

Wow! STOP! All 3 of us adults shouted and the car stopped up against the right side of me. I quickly moved towards P picked her up and moved out of the way to safety. 

As I looked and realised it was that same mum. The same woman that drives in and zooms out like it’s a Fast & Furious get-away act (yeah, movie fan here).

In a small car park limited to 5mph with kids around anything more IS Fast and Furious. It was only a matter of time something happened and it did. She endangered my daughter’s life! 

I remained in anger for about 2 days, because of how lucky we were that P had a quick reaction and I got in between her and the car. Believe you me though, it took great effort for me to walk away and not come at her in super hulk mode. 

Research shows every year that the most common accidents on The school run are caused by:

  • Fatigue
  • Distraction
  • Speeding
  • Parked vehicles
  • Cyclists

I do understand that school run is always a busy time. Everyone’s tired from their daily activities and just want to get home. Let’s face it many parents look foreward to the time between putting the kids to bed and going to bed themselves but is speeding really gunna help? 

NO! Nothing is worth endangering the life of a child. If you are desperate though, to put your foot down, do it on your own and at your own expense! Do be warned though and speaking from experience, smashing into trees and getting thrown around whilst your car rolls over is very painful and not recommended and I’m sure your kids want you around for as long as possible so, 

Slow the fudge berries down! 


The time it all went wrong 

The time it all went wrong 

At the family program today we had already gone in to bow to guruji and given seva, the kids were running around outside in the back garden and it was time to do Seva again but trying to get P and E to go was not happening, they were so busy playing however the minute they sepearated in to different directions I managed to grab E and go for it.

Threw my shoes off and went in, around the corner and past the ladies sitting on the floor. The keertan was in full mode and the sangat were really enjoying the vibe. 

I went to go bow and couldn’t go any further, E was stuck. I couldn’t move her forwards, come on! 

I tugged and tugged again but each time she went back again, what is going on, I just want to muttha tehk. Why can’t I muttha tehk?

Suddenly the keertan on my left gets louder, the sound of the vaaja and tabla surrounds us and I feel my face go red. 

Why am I going red? Whilst unsuccessfully tugging E forwards.

Why was she not going down forwards, as I turned to my right and looked down, an auntie was holding her foot and then I realised, omg, she’s still wearing her shoes, shit ( I might have said that out loud, infact I definitely did). I laughed but no-one else did,(hucc humm. Cue the cheesy grin)

She whipped her shoes off and I carried on to bow to guru ji. E gave the Seva and just looked ahead. Muttha tehk E, mutha thehk.

So she starts to take all the coins out of the tray.

No E muttha tehk! As I put the coins back in, but she then starts faffing around.

The keertan, just like a movie dramatic moment. No sorry Star Plus moment. Yup, I could see the back and forth camera effect on us right now. (Is this how seeta felt? Or was it Geeta? Maybe it was preeto? Ill ask my mum later, ha)

Oh ffs, she knows what to do, I mean she really knows what to do.

E! Muttha tehk sweety.. .

So she stands up and slams down on her bum stretching her legs out. Her right foot hits the seva tray and the seva flies out, followed by her left foot, which comes in knocks it the other way and now the seva is all over the place. 

Wtf! Is going on. Nooooo E do muttha tehk now! I quickly put it all in the tray, we finally bow down and go to leave the room. 

E wants to stay with her Nannie and sits in her lap, so off i went to reduce my unusually red face (…).

10 minutes later i went to check on her and saw her knocked out sleeping in her nan’s arms. 

Nooooooo! She’s not going to sleep at bedtime now! 


The hospital part

I needed the loo so casually began to get out of bed, but suddenly I could feel a strange sensation, it was everywhere. There was pressure pushing downwards and my sides were squeezing in towards the belly button.

As I landed on the loo in so much pain, I felt nauseous, my body was contracting and there was blood, lots of blood. I swung for a bag and vomited, it was so intense i remember involuntarily crying, due to the pain and physical shock. 

My body was shivering, I felt faint and weak with all that blood loss but then it all started again, the vomiting and the contractions, how many times would this happen?

…eventually after waiting for some time just to be sure, I decided to have a shower to help me relax and go back to sleep.

I went to hospital that morning, by the afternoon after several checks I was in a room and was explained the rest of the process. 

Through out the whole night I was awoken by a nurse to take a bunch of pills and have my observations done. Every loo trip had to be assessed so that meant going on one of those bed pans.

As I went passed the room next to me I saw the lady, clearly further along in her pregnancy I couldn’t help but feel worse for her.

Not because my loss was any less but as pregnancy continues the bank of memories, ideas, emotions build up and so we end up dealing if more and more layers of grief attached to those images and feelings. 

By no means does that suggest a measure on ones grief, everyone’s feelings are valid and you have a right to go through them. It just felt like that with me in that moment, because regardless of what I’m going through I always hear a voice saying ‘it could be a lot worse, be grateful for what you have got’

DaddySingh slept on the recliner seat right next to me and he was ace. He was definitely uncomfortable in that chair, but he was there throughout the night. Although I moan at him for being moody (hehehe) I did feel and still am grateful for how supportive and understanding he was then and still is. Especially whilst dealing with his own feeling, after all he lost a baby too. 

After a long wait to be discharged, going home was a relief. 

Well, Kind of.

15 moments of a British Indian mum…Part 1

Things that remind me that im a British Indian mummy…

  1. You get a stain on your salwar kameez (indian suit) before you have even left the house. Could be turmeric, could be tomatoe sauce but your creative dupputa (scarf) settings skills kick in and just pray no one notices.  
  2. You think twice before you put your red lipstick on when going out with your kids. Lip lock, you failed me and cracked up my lips! 
  3. You finally get to the venue and feel like you need a shower and start again but your kids look all polished, shiney and oh so sweet and innocent. Why why why meee!
  4. The state of your chunni makes you look like you really haven’t got a clue what your doing. Then that maaji shouts out don’t you know how to set your dupputa? Is she (so and so’s) daughter in law? A range of profanity hits your mind but like a pro, just act cool and say hanji! 
  5. You get to the gurdwara/venue and your children want prashaad/food immediately! Like they never get fed at home. 
  6. Your little one will only eat dhaal, yoghurt, roti and rice or a combination of these. Where ever u go. 
  7. There’s something wrong with the dhaal. It’s not the right dhaal, maybe it smells different or isn’t yellow enough?! Who knows but they are not going to eat it because you know it’s not the ‘dhaal dhaal’…
  8. Your little one doesn’t eat roti. What’s roti? Ah did you mean a rosti? 
  9. You consider letting your child go hungry, they cant keep doing this, they have to eat at some point, maybe they’ll give up and eat soon…and then maaji shouts out all the wrong alternatives and yup, out comes the back up food…chips! Noooo, oh forget it just eat!
  10. Your daughters salwar/trousers keep falling and suddenly the floor is being swept clean. Who needs a broom!
  11. You have only been at the function 10 minutes and your little boys joori/hair is all over the place. Didn’t you combe his hair?
  12. Head scarf/Chunni is a toy and not to cover your head with. ok, maybe just for the first 5 minutes, then we will swing it around! You now feel judged and that maaji makes you feel like an irresponsible mum. 
  13. Maaji (with good intentions) comes to your aid as a magic pacifier and gets offended when fails because your child really doesn’t know them and isn’t listening to anyone no matter who you are, especially random Maaji. Maaji is surprised and walks away muttering but you know she’ll come back for another go, and maybe even pull out a lollipop.

Have you experienced any of these or do you have your own moments that remind you of being mummy in around an Indian culture? 

Disclaimer. Honestly I have nothing against Maaji’s and no Maaji was hurt in the events of these experiences. That I know of…

Part 2 coming soon

I lost a day today

So most of this morning I was thinking it’s still Friday! That is until hubby pointed out that it’s Saturday and I had to check my phone to reestablish reality, I lost a day and it’s New Years Eve. 

That felt annoying, but also a welcoming thought of positive new adventures and creations.

Thank you all for following me and my Journey so far in my life and being so supportive and encouraging.

I hope you continue to enjoy my blog and new adventures into the new year and beyond.

Have an epic new year!

Medical Management or not? 

My soul felt heavy as we discussed the process of medical management and the option of just leaving everything to happen by itself.  I felt like I was about commit a sin, something that I would never have even dreamt of doing, even though I knew I wasn’t killing anyone, the baby had passed on and that Is what we needed to remember. 

Yes my baby’s Soul had passed on and now I needed to physically recover but that didn’t make it any easier. I was a mother talking about our baby still inside me and I still had to go through a load of shit.

We decided it was best to cancel our holiday to Greece, because of not knowing how and when the miscarriage would begin. I’m sure people go through this in Greece but did I really want to be sitting in a hospital whilst on holiday? Hmm I don’t know, but I felt more comfortable knowing my surroundings I guess. 

I didn’t tell work about it, my colleagues asked about greece and I said due to a loss in the family we had to cancel the trip, which was a vague fact, so I didnt lie just didnt specify the detail of the loss. Why? I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them, plus the fact that I pretty much knew I was about to lose my job, I kind of realised I actually should have left a long time ago, so maybe the universe was kicking my ass out of the door for me. 

​Eventually though, I took that pill. I felt like I was being watched and judged by a thousand eyes.  The Doctors explained very clearly what to expect in the next 24 hrs, so I was aware of what to expect but of course I didn’t know how and when.

That evening I went to bed wondering what exactly was about to happen…