Madness in May

I have to apologise for disappearing after anouncing my challenge. A man who had been drinking (asshole) drove into the back of me, so I took sometime to recover from wiplash, back ache and concusion; gosh things were a bit fuzzy for a few days!

As I was recovering, guess what? Yep, I smashed my brand new phone and was uncontactable for 2 weeks, in which time the girls and I got really sick.

Me and hubby were exhausted and functioning on virtually no sleep as both of them would wake up 1 after the other at night time.

I think you’ll agree with me when I say it’s so hard to look after poorly children when your sick yourself.

Parents have super powers!!

 

Walking and climbing…

A chilled out Sunday, the girls were playing around and me and hubby were sitting and talking about an upcoming wedding and playing with the girls.

This doesn’t happen often as we are always doing something, so was a nice afternoon.
As me and hubby were in a conversation pause his attention went towards P and as I was looking on suddenly see something rising at the right of my peripheral vision. I immediately looked towards E who was already in the middle of her first step and then goes straight in to her second step…
Omg, omg yay! DaddySingh. Daddysingh, look. Omg DaddySingh LOOK! 
DaddySingh casually looks around and his expression joins mine as I continue to express my excitement.
Aaja E, aaja aaja. Yaaay! 
E now grinning like a Cheshire Cat goes in for her 4th step and dives onto me for hug and goes all shy!

P then joins in with all the excitement too.  Yay, well done E. 

3 days later, I accidentally left the stair gate open and as I turned E was was crawling up the stairs. I watched with caution and followed her in case she decided to go backwards. She got to the top without any difficulty, got up on to her feet and penguin walked in to one of the rooms. P came up immediately called E in to her room, turned to me and said mummy you can’t come in, you stay there. I’m going to close the door now, ok! and slams the door shut…oh ho!

Last week I became a Mombie

I was looking forward to some time to myself with both girls at nursery, I had so much planned and organised. I thought it was all going to plan with shopping, birthday organising and some me time with a bit of working out at the gym but then… the girls came home with temperatures on the Friday just before the weekend!

DaddySingh brought them in, E soundly sleeping in her car seat and P all cranky and crying, one look at her and I knew it. Tired eyes, red swollen cheeks, hot and in ‘thug’ mode. Yup Threenagers are good at this.

That evening was then filled with many tantrums, dinner refusals, throwing things and crying, crying and lots of crying plus the completely chaotic bed time.

I have to admit the silence after they finally got to sleep was golden, I quickly, well more like a tiptoe jogingly leaped into the kitchen and put the kettle on but the oh joy was short lived as E kept waking up with difficulty breathing and soring temperatures. On top of that she insisted breastfeeding through the night.

That was difficult as we were weaning out and reached 1 breastfeed at night and then suddenly she was feeding constantly, yeah serious boob confusion.

The following morning was so difficult as P and E both needed tlc, medicine and lots of attention.

I was up most of the nights feeding and caring for E and most of the breastfeeds were in a strange sleep state and before I knew it it was time to be up and have breakfast.

E could do nothing but cry because she is so little and doesn’t talk yet and P was acting out and refusing nap time, eventually a took her up whilst she tried to back flip out of my arms and grab everything on the way. She was then completely sound asleep within 10 minutes, kids!

This continued for the whole week and both of them missed out on nursery but that allowed them, yes THEM to fully recover, I on the other hand have no idea how I’m still functioning. On the nights I spent walking E around in her pram to try and settle her to sleep and knew she would only last a short time I decided to catch up on Game of Thrones and dive in to my chocolate…thank goodness for Game of Thrones! Cue, huge teethy grin.

P recovered faster but did decide to step up her threenager -isms this week too and it was anything and anywhere. At home, supermarkets, on the road, you name it.

At the supermarket, it was all going so well and I was packing whilst P was happily engaging with the cashier and helping out in her own way, we were almost done but then suddenly P breaks in to tears and the whole supermarket seemed to go quiet (you know what I mean, like everyone’s trying to get on with their business but actually listening and pretending not to look your way)

What’s wrong P?

No!

Whilst letting out a loud cry.

So now cashier is trying to get her attention too and a few passers-by whilst she tries to wipes her face which now is all wet from the tears.

What happened P, can you tell mummy with your words?

Waaaaaaaa!

As we try and say good bye,

I wanna get down! Down! Wanna get down!

Now!!!

and we head to the car park leaving a silent supermarket behind us…

These toddlers’ are unpredictable so Beware seriously BEWARE but all that is minor because this has a huge impact on mums too and extremely challenging and testing on inner calm, so a mum with no sleep or rest with toddler and baby is a zombie mummy or Mombie you just don’t wanna mess with.

It felt embarrassing, debilitating and painful

The day I found out I was pregnant I had a feeling it was going to be a rough ride, you know, sometimes you just know. In fact my discovery began with a tummy bug and continuous pain and the day after I did the pregnancy test my morning sickness went through the roof. It was awful and ginger was not having the same effect as it was the first time round and I couldn’t find anything that would calm it down but then the vommitting started and I was throwing up left right and centre.

It was a really hard job keeping it quiet from the family, taking the toddler to her grandparents was a challenge, because the vomiting was so unpredictable but I was hoping it would calm down in 2nd trimester and get some relief. Little did i know what was in store for me though, towards the end of the first trimester and right after the flu jab I got ill and ended up with a viral cough. The cough and vomitting got so bad that I had to sleep on the sofa sitting up, so that DaddySingh could get some sleep. We then swopped because I needed the bed.  Eventually though my husband couldn’t take it any more and came home one day with a blow up mattress and spent many days sleeping in the living room…as far away from the coughing as possible and I took the bed back and deservedly so!!  Although he did moan a few times about the interrupted sleep, to which I told him to grow up! Some of us have to function 24/7. Haha!

If all that wasn’t enough I discovered with all the coughing and vomitting I had managed to get an umbilical hernia and they couldn’t do anything about it, but still I was getting about and trying be a normal person. By normal I mean, trying not to give in to unpredictable hormones that were slowing taking over my brain and urging me to shout at everyone, No, im NOT alright! 

DaddySingh wasn’t sure how to deal with it, as he has never seen me like this and frankly neither have I. I’m a very chilled and laid back person, even at time of the month, yup, go figure!! So me turning into mad woman was an experience for all of us.

During the second trimester of my pregnancy I began to experience extreme pain in the groin area. I mean it was so bad that if I was sitting I couldn’t get up, the pain was excruciating and I would have tears running down my face. It’s like someone kicked you between the legs a hundred times and then you needed the loo.  Once I was finally up I was stuck, I knew any movement with difficulty would bring on that unbearable pain but I would push through to get to wherever I needed to and that was the problem getting to the loo when I needed to wee. The pain was so debilitating I just couldn’t get to the loo on time and that meant my pelvic floor muscles were seriously weak.

It felt embarrassing, debilitating and painful as I was physically and for the first time emotionally stressed. This was the trimester my hormonal moods began to fluctuate to extremes. It felt like no one really understood what I was going through and I guess they didn’t and could only empathise to a certain degree.

The best advice I had was to make sure you do your pelvic floor muscles exercises, rest and get as much help as you can where you need it. The exercises are the most important thing here!! And I can’t stress that enough.

The 2 things I found hard to deal with were firstly obviously the physical debilitating pain I was going through, which was on top of this mysterious viral infection I had that insisted on giving me that continuous cough. I can’t even explain what it was like …but it would build up and up and eventually I would be throwing up pretty violently and it felt quit scary with my stomach contracting that hard, whilst I was carrying a baby.

Doing the exercises helped and the pain did subside but for only 2 weeks in those two weeks the coughing and vomiting continued but after the two weeks the pain returned with more vengeance. I couldn’t believe it, I literally couldn’t get out of bed it took me ages. It was horrible and I never felt so low in my whole life.

That was the second most difficult thing to deal with the emotional roller coaster. I had never been so emotionally vulnerable, even my husband in the 14 yrs of being together for the first time was unsure how to react and he didn’t know how to deal with his unpredictably emotional wife but decided to stay out of my way when things were up in the air. On 2 occasions I completely lost it. Yep 2 occasions, you might think that’s not a big deal but for anyone that knows me I am extremely calm, laid back and happy person so loosing it must have been an experience to see and it certainly was for me. My husband still hasn’t verbally expressed his opinion on that one. I think I might ask him again on that one, see if he is willing to express his opinion, I mean I am my normal self now, haha. I’ll let you know what he says. I mean I’m not saying I’ve never been angry but I have never been angry in an emotional, debilitatingly and pregnant all at the same time way and I was definitely not one to flip out.

Many women go through this and most would agree that, how spd effects you and the experience of it can vary. Some end up in wheel chair, I was on crutches by 7 months and was told the wheel chair would be next but I refused that. That was personal to me I had the inability to accept being told to just sit and not move around. I and my body wanted to be physically active and I would do it in anyway I could. Some one said to me don’t be so proud, as to say you need to accept it. Well no, I’m not being proud I’m fighting all these emotions and physical feelings and trying to be mum to my toddler at the same time so if being in a wheel chair isn’t going work and I can avoid it, I will. I guess I still had strength in me somewhere…

I was also wearing a fabric brace, it was tight and it held me in like it was preventing my bones from falling apart, that’s how painful it was, the baby was also quit heavy by 8 months and I knew she would be a big size for me. That didn’t help my emotional state, the fact that I had spd pain on top of knowing or kinda remembering labour pain from the first time and then the thought of delivering a bigger baby.

It was weird I felt like I was over taken by a host (in a way that is true, you do have another person inside you but by saying host I’m not referring to the baby as such, just so you know) that was dictating havoc on my body. My body was telling me I had a foreign intruder inside of me and my immune system was all over the place but I knew this was all so that I could have a beautiful baby at the end of it and that was what mattered the most but the biggest problem was getting there, that was the longest and toughest journey of my life. What was even worse for me is that I couldnt do my Paat (prayers) or even get to the gurdwara. I think I truly was at my lowest ever and this period was a true physical challenge and the pregnancy truly tested my mental strength. Eventually when I did make it to the gurdwara I was lucky enough to do Bhai Ji’s darshan and they gave me a source of confidence and that stuck with me and helped through the rest of the journey.

Not having the right person to talk to made it really hard at times. My husband was and is fantastic with our toddler and he is the best and first person I would go to for almost everything, but I don’t know it’s a male thing I think, they just sometimes don’t get it.  I think sometimes you just have to moan to a friend and for some reason my emotional reasoning told me I couldn’t do that with my friends, my closest mate doesn’t have children so couldn’t really fully understand just yet and my other closest mate I had just recently lost contact with for whatever reason (learning curve, never make decisions when you are hormonally compromised) and so felt at a complete loss. Pregnancy really is weird for me and my sense of rationalising was strange, it felt strange even at the time is was doing it…you know my host was thinking for me, hehe.
It really didn’t feel like me at all. My pregnant self would be all emotional and my normal self would be there going ‘wtf are you on about, calm down!’ All at the same time, and I seemed to be swearing a lot. Weird stuff.

Finally I ended up moving and staying with my In-laws a monthish before my due date so that My mother In-law could help look after my toddler and be around if I needed anything. It was a great help but was also hard being away from my own home comforts.

A third thing was that I felt so guilty my then 1 and half yr old daughter had to watch through all this and even though she is so young she was the best support and source of encouragement I had. She saw me coughing, frustrated, unable to play with her, vomitting on a daily basis, unable to move and cry and all through this she would actually put a hand of support to me and say you’re ok mummy, don’t worry! A little bit more so in toddler language but I was able to understand what she was saying to me. Although i was there I felt like I missed seeing her grow up and failed her in those 9 months of my pregnancy because I couldn’t give her the attention that I had done for a year and a half and would have done if I wasn’t going through what I was, basically if I was having a “blooming, glowing pregnancy” things would have been a lot different. Obviously she did fine and proved she was a strong kid by always being happy and full of energy during those tough times.

I do believe I had to go through this pain and suffering to receive a beautiful gift and that pain and suffering was my own karam (karma) to deal with and I had to go through that for whatever reason, but I just want to share with you my experience of pregnancy and that it’s not all glowing skin and beautiful moments in a field full of daisy flowers for some mums. So if your having a wonderful pregnancy that is absolutely fantastic and I hope you continue to do so and if it’s not so great, hang in there momma! Also to the random woman who told me that pregnancy is a wonderful experience and couldn’t understand why I didn’t necessarily agree, be grateful as not all of us have the privilege of enjoying our pregnancies.  A little empathy goes a long way.

Walk-in Centres: A Time Warp

I’m walking slowly from the car to the Walk-in centre at 11.05am pushing the baby in her pram whilst saying “waheguru waheguru” as I know too well what’s waiting for me inside that building. The automatic doors open and as I step in the blanket of illnesses wrap around us like a black hole sucking you in. All 5 senses suddenly are awake and aware of every cough, sniff, grunt, and runney nose in the room.  Everyone looks at you with that same look; the look of illness, massively fed up and silently running out of patience and thinking “oh here’s another one to add to the queue, how ill is she really?” “Will she get seen before me?”.

I’m helpless, i can’t turn around and go back out into freedom of fresh clean air and as I turn to check in at the desk the automatic doors slam shut. It’s too late I made my decision and now I have to stay. 

I fill in that form praying the wait won’t be long even though I saw the sign “Aprox 2 hours wait” and the receptionist tells you the same preempting your question. She knows everybody does it, the signs right there but you just have to ask slightly hoping the answer will be a shorter time. Nope it really is 2 hours, could be longer or shorter for the blessed ones. You just don’t know.

Looking around I realise I’m stuck standing against a wall with a room full of helpless prisoners, sorry I mean ill patients just like me. The baby is the lucky one I thought as she is in her comfy pushchair commanding her space and sleeping soundly and just then she briefly frowns and twitches her nose. I’m sure she is thinking the same because she then wakes up looks around and then stares at me asking me “why did you bring me here?”. The poor thing, nothing wrong with her but had to bring her with me so I just hope the tea tree oil I dropped all around her protects her like an invisible magnetic shield just like in those space movies. I then imagine to my own amusement those bugs attacking the baby and hitting the invisible shield and exploding into fireworks all around the pram. Yep, have to keep the imagination and sense of humour going! Even if it’s in my own head. Honestly I’m not insane.

Baby and I started to play peekaboo, catch or some form of it anyway. She also cried and wanted to get out of her pram but luckily nothing a bit of a sing song couldn’t resolve. Yes, I sing nursery rhymes in public and we do all the actions too!
Finally though I got a seat and gave baby some milk.

Whilst she was drinking that and dosing off I pulled out my phone, thinking surely it’ll be my turn soon. We’d been there for ages playing all these games so looked at the screen and to my disbelief it was only 11.18am. What?! 10 minutes! Surely not! I glanced at the date, don’t know why, but yeah it was the same day. Tapped my phone, locked it and then u locked it again as if there must be something wrong with it and then realised this place is a time warp.

My sense of time obviously got confused and clouded in this germ cell that acts like a black hole hiding inside of an innocent looking brick building. Beware people. Beware!!

I put my phone away and looked around and started to people observe, (as one does):

Any one with out a child was on their phone trying to look busy or simply day dreaming towards the doors, most probably of that life before time stood still in a germ cell.

Mummies with preschool kids with toys and other Mummies with out the toys desperately trying to keep their kids calm and content.

That sporty mum with baby in arms already in her jogging gear, swinging her baby side to side. Obviously warming up for that run.

Young baby couples.

The random taxi driver.

The men standing with their legs apart and arms crossed, increasing their personal bubbles, as if they think they are some sort of body builders. Sorry mate that beer belly isn’t helping your cause!!

The funniest of all the teenage mum all done up with fancy nails and personal phone cover. Tapping away at her phone and flashing dirty looks up at anyone passing by or even glancing. I was just about to say you had lovely nails. But I won’t now!

The children watching cartoons on their tabloids WITH headphones. Now that’s an organised and considerate mum I thought.

The children without headphones. Who cares anyway, everybody can listen to Peppa pig right? “…Bingley Bongley boo”

The patients that walk in after you but get seen before you and you hear the opinionated patients expressing their views on that matter.

After a long wait though we finally hear the ping and everyone looks at the same screen hoping it’s their name…the correct person jumps up and no matter how casual you make it we see it and feel it. It’s always obvious and everyone knows the joy and relief of knowing the wait is over and act like we don’t care but we do. We do care. We DO care! HURRY UP!

PING PING PING AND AGAIN PING….Seriously the same name?! Come on, Mr Freddie got fed up, Miss Ashleigh wasn’t actually ill enough to wait and My Rory obviously ran off but the doctor kept calling him and that got the room talking.

…Ping. Mr Freddie!
Oh Move on! said the patients

There’s an increase of people going in and out and baby wakes up so I move to the side and pick her out of her pram. She desperately wanted to crawl around but I kept hold of her and sang nursery rhymes probably to the annoyance of everyone till finally we get called. Yep, I leaped forward with the pram and I’m sure I shouted yippee!

On way back out we walked past the patients with the same faces and you know they hate you. You’ve been released and they’re still waiting and no matter how long it’s been, 2 minutes or 2 hours we all hate that feeling!!

I walk out and take a deep breath of fresh air and head to that 1 chemist that everyone was saying is open today and going to. oh no!

9 things MaaJi’s always say to new mums

You enter the Gurdwara with your new born and there is plenty of sangat around. You know most of them or at least they know who you are and before you can take your shoes off and head towards the divan all the Maaji’s scurry over bursting to see the baby, as if the smell of a newborn baby had wafted through the gurdwara and alerted all the ladies of the arrival just like honey to a bee. With out wasting any time and sometimes before the Maaji’s even get to you the questions pour out:

 

1. Kee aayea (is it a boy or girl?) Girlchal koini, kaneya ae ah! Dont worry about it, pitty on you and then bless you with a future son.
Boy
vadaiya! Best thing ever, the maaji’s over spill in joy and tell you tera kaam hogea (Your work is done!). Best thing to do is to keep remembering you have a gift from God,  boy or girl they are both precious and just as important.

2. Hon dehr naa kari/Shetti banaa li?
Don’t delay, make baby today! (Yep, you said it in an Indian accent. I know you did!!) Basically telling you that you have 1 now, so have another while your at it because your child needs a sibling and it’s better when they are closer together in age and apparently easier. Don’t give juwaab trust me it’s not worth it, just smile and say Hanji Hanji!

3. Rondi taani. (She doesnt cry does she?)
no, she was born with fully developed vocal cords and is able to speak and tell me exactly what she needs, and that too in Punjabi and English. Haha, of course babies cry. They can’t speak so that’s their way of communicating. You will hear a few stories of so and so had a baby that always/or never cried but they mean no harm here and will just bombard you with helpful advise, whether you want it or not. Just stay calm and say Hanji, thank you!

4. Raat nu utdi taani? (She doesn’t wake up at night does she?)
If your answer is No, Maaji goes straight on to next question . If your answer is Yes, Maaji expresses concern,”ucha, Chall koini, babies do that! Followed by a tonne of their own baby waking up stories. Best way to deal with it is smile and say Hanji, thank you!

5. Aapna dudh palondi ah? Do you breastfeed?
Either way the maaji’s come out with their own opinions and stories. Just remember what ever you choose it is your decision so just smile and say Hanji, thank you!

6. Shetti bottle te laadi?
Give her the bottle quickly, because sweety they don’t take it other wise and that’ll be a pain to deal with.
Whatever you choose to do, it’s your decision and your experience. Advice is great but don’t judge the mummy’s if they don’t want to use a bottle. Oh and Hanji Hanji!

7. Kede te gae ah? Who does he/she take after?
Before you have a chance to even respond they will then tell you who the baby looks like and praise or even dismiss and tell you don’t worry they will change! In some cases they won’t say anything and walk off. Yep, ha!

8. Delivery normal si ya opretion naal?
Was it a natural birth or Caesarian? Again followed by stories and wish you a great recovery and give you tips on what to do/not to do with your body for the first few weeks.

9. kede te gaeya? Who does he/she look like She looks like a squished up tiny human at the moment, but they always know or think they know and will openly express their opinion.  Also If maaji’s perceive you or any member of the family with outstanding features they will ask you does he/she have that feature.

( I have coloured eyes so this seems to be a huge focus on my kids)
one of the first things I had was this followed by attempts to get the baby to open her eyes and then decide for themselves whether she has the eyes or not. Well she was born yday, eyes take about a year to develop and well, really? Does it really matter enough to disturb my baby? No! Get away from my sleeping baby and don’t touch her eyes with your subji fingers, haha!

Sometimes it can be over whelming and others might be completely fine with all the questions. Everyone’s experience and feelings are different and all the Maaji’s mean well. You will see the funny side of it later but don’t forget to take a deep breathe, smile and say Hanji, thank you!

Hanji solves everything!!

Midnight showers. A hot steamy night….

Midnight showers. A hot steamy night….

It was late, silent and dark. It was time ….both children were sleeping and husband was in bed, I knew this was the moment. It was now or never! I jumped in long strides like a ninja out of the room. Avoiding those noisy areas of the floor that would certainly wake the kids up and quietly ran to the bathroom. Switching on the blue spa lights that made the bathroom feel so relaxing just like the spa or steam room at the gym, only there’s no steam just yet and it was dark and strangely romantic. Just the way I like it.

I switched on the rainfall shower and the boiler makes a noise, that’s when DaddySingh knows I’m in the shower in the middle of the night.  The water gushed out and splashed the bottom and turned hot quickly whilst changing colours above the bath lights. I lit my favourite rainforest candle to set the mood and threw my clothes off with a quick listen at the door to make sure baby hasn’t woken up. I’m sure he’ll handle it if she does, I think to myself with a little giggle. 

I stepped in to the hot shower, cold where the water first hit the bottom and quickly moved closer in where it was nice and warm. I shut my eyes turned and stood underneath the hot waterfall and began my mindfulness (just like the “yes yes” lady. You know herbal essence advert, wink wink).

The hot water droplets hit my body like a waterfall as I lather up the shower gel and massage into my body.  All the mummy stress began to melt away…If only Superman or even Batman (oh yes!) was here to massage these shoulders, right under the waterfall deep in the middle of a rainforest, grinning to myself and starting to feeling happy and relaxed ‘mmmm…” 

I let my imagination run wild, deep with in the forest with those big strong hands on my shoulders…

Suddenly, I hear a noise I turned back into the room now all hot and steamed up, and looked at the door hoping it was nothing and I can get right back to where I was but I see the door handle moving down. Oh no.

Ah, Maybe it’s superman and my dreams have come true, haha! But no, I see DaddySingh peek through the door, yeah that’ll do I laughed to myself with his eyes half closed and a slight grin to his face. What was he thinking? Maybe he’ll join me? Hot steamy shower with my hubby…he comes in slowly as I continue to enjoy the water hitting the back of my neck hard and giving me a sense of calm. 

I step to the side of the shower screen and he slowly walks in looking all sleepy and sexy. Hmm he looks cute, maybe he’s thinking the same thing? He definitely knew what I was thinking as his grin enlargens and his eyes now a bit more awake with a cheeky glint suggesting let’s make the most of it whilst the kids are sleeping. Yep this is gunna be fun but right then I see a tiny foot, then a leg and suddenly in his arms was a very sleepy crying but grinning baby looking at me, they both then glance at each other just as if sharing the same joke ‘Let’s go get mummy’! 

She woke up, the baby woke up! 

Oh Fiteh Moo! I thought in my head. Although I’m sure my lips moved to some degree.

I remembered the threat he gave me a few days ago whilst having breakfast in the kitchen “watch, I will do it” he said as I laughed to show him I wasn’t the slightest concerned and didn’t think he really would.  He hates the fact that I choose this ungodly hour to have my dreamy showers and always threatens me that he’ll bring the baby to me in the bathroom whilst I shower if she wakes up for a breastfeed and that’s exactly what he did and he was proud of it, grinning like a Cheshire Cat as he walks back out with baby leaving the door wide open to let the cold air gush in and force me out the shower.

 I can still feel the grin stretching off his face back into the bathroom as he walked in to our bedroom with the baby radiating a sense of victory.  So proud of himself.  I will get him back though! 

Showers to me are like those cups of tea/coffee (or maybe something stronger for you lovable alcoholics) moments we mummies enjoy when ever our children and the dads let us. 

DaddySingh. He just doesn’t get it, but Midnight Showers, it’s my thing! I knew it was too good to be true though and maybe next time, I should concentrate on doing Waheguru Waheguru and then I won’t get disturbed!? After all the almighty Waheguru is more important than batman right? hehe!

So how did your Valentine’s Day go?

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