Hey?! … Na, I’m probably just feeling hot so go back to sleep, no way am I getting up before the alarm goes off

I roll over in bed and can still feel strange and uncomfortable but I ignore it, it’s too early and I want to sleep, feel so tired but somethings not right and I feel damp and gooey down there. 

Ugh, fine I’ll go to the bathroom with my eyes closed so I can get back to sleep quickly after the loo. 

As I walk to closer to the bathroom I begin wake up more and realise, omg I started my period, it was Monday morning after a big family pre-wedding function and the last thing I felt like I needed was a period at work. Well I guess it wasn’t during the function but still, Meh.

I walked in to the bathroom and pulled my pyjamas down and What the f**k! it was like a mini massacre. What the hell, this is gunna be a heavy one I thought. So I took my pyjamas off and set them aside but as I sat down, immediately, I was wide awake it was red everywhere, blood was flowing out like a full running tap (or so it felt like). It was all so quick, as when I thought it had stopped it all started again and then I felt drained, tired and weak. My tummy was in pain and feeling numb. Hang on…

1 day earlier 

Have you eaten? 

Yeah just had some with the rest of the girls!

Oh good you look so much better now. The colour has returned to your face 

Oh ok!

Hey, what was wrong with the colour of my face I thought. I then realised I was actually feeling much better and the food had restored the energy I was obviously lacking. Maybe it’s just the period time thing and the whole event, with so much going on it can get draining. I hate periods, they’re so annoying!

My instinct told me straight away, I knew it. Theres no other explanantion…I’m a having a miscarriage.

I waited for things to calm down and sorted my self out and was about to go find hubby when there was a knock on the door…. 

That morning i rang in sick to work, I made an appointment to see the doctor and was also sent to the hospital for a scan and check up. They confirmed our thoughts but we were in great care and they were really supportive. 

We went to the Gurdwara and did our Ardaas. On the way out we bumped in to the Mahant (religious superior) who gave us words of wisdom and strengt, Which was nice because we hadn’t told anyone but there is no questioning someone like a Mahant they are just on another level and know what to say at the right time.

Hubby and I decided to keep this to ourselves for the time being for many reasons and it was a lot easier to deal with and move on. I miscarriaged for about 4 months, where I was in and out of hospital for checks and was always confirmed there was nothing wrong except my body clearing out so to speak and should calm down eventually. 

In the Indian culture when a woman gives birth or has a loss she usually has special foods made for her with lots of mmineral and nutrients dense properties for healing, usually called panjeeri, but as we hadn’t told anyone this would have been a little difficult to get made for me except a couple of weeks later my sister inlaw gave birth to her son and puff I had 2 box fulls dropped into my hands, to which I gladly accepted. 

A lot of people don’t like this stuff but I love nuts, oats and seeds. my tip is to add it on your cereal, breakfast oats or have it like muesli. It is ground for easy digestion post birth so maybe start off with 1 table spoon and build up slowly through out the day. it is really good for you and you can wash it down with your favourite hot drink. 

Another tip is that I get the ladies to make mine in to bar shapes just like oat bars and that makes it into a great treat and on the go snack. 

At around 3 months I realised I was experiencing physical trauma and after talking with hubby we decided to go on holiday. It was a different kind of holiday, as beach holidays isn’t what we would usually go for but this time it seemed really appealing. It was November time and Europe was obviously getting cold so we weren’t spoilt for choice but we were stressed out and needed both physical and mental RnR.

So off we went to Lanzarote…

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