The time we got run over!

Watch out! I turn around and there’s a car reversing right towards us. 
I moved forwards covering P in a spider man pose as she ran backwards tripped and crawled back on all fours, this car was still coming in to us.

Wow! STOP! All 3 of us adults shouted and the car stopped up against the right side of me. I quickly moved towards P picked her up and moved out of the way to safety. 

As I looked and realised it was that same mum. The same woman that drives in and zooms out like it’s a Fast & Furious get-away act (yeah, movie fan here).

In a small car park limited to 5mph with kids around anything more IS Fast and Furious. It was only a matter of time something happened and it did. She endangered my daughter’s life! 

I remained in anger for about 2 days, because of how lucky we were that P had a quick reaction and I got in between her and the car. Believe you me though, it took great effort for me to walk away and not come at her in super hulk mode. 

Research shows every year that the most common accidents on The school run are caused by:

  • Fatigue
  • Distraction
  • Speeding
  • Parked vehicles
  • Cyclists

I do understand that school run is always a busy time. Everyone’s tired from their daily activities and just want to get home. Let’s face it many parents look foreward to the time between putting the kids to bed and going to bed themselves but is speeding really gunna help? 

NO! Nothing is worth endangering the life of a child. If you are desperate though, to put your foot down, do it on your own and at your own expense! Do be warned though and speaking from experience, smashing into trees and getting thrown around whilst your car rolls over is very painful and not recommended and I’m sure your kids want you around for as long as possible so, 

Slow the fudge berries down! 

It was my Birthday 

It was my Birthday 

It went like this…

I woke up to my babies and hubby ( arguably the biggest baby) singing “Happy Birthday” with chocolate and flowers. Wasnt expecting much but, Awww such a sweet start to a Saturday morning. 

Daddysingh went off to work telling the girls to be extra good for mummy so you know what that means, right? Yes the complete opposite will be done.

Brushing teeth was a fight for survival with toothpaste and water everywhere… you never know who will come out first, the toothbrush or the child. 

At breakfast the nightmare continued as they didn’t want anything but the chocolates they gave me, haha. ( although I laugh now I was seriously pissed at the time).

By 10 am the lounge was destroyed with toys, ALL the toys they have and the conservatory had paint every where. That’s when they decided to go upstairs and play in mummy and daddy room. 

Oh hell No! To my many flaws I now completely lost it and threatened to throw Minnie mouse in the bin unless they were back down in 10 seconds. It did work, but only just with P but E has no fear or actually doesn’t give a shit (lol) and came down giggling. 

After lunch we went to Nannies house as me and my mum share the same Birthday. Once back though there was a flood of water in the kitchen commenced by begging for food even though they had had lunch, lunch 2 at Nannies and snacks!! Growing kids the say! 

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the garden and whilst they screamed, yelled and quarrelled I went round salvaging the house and picked up some paint whilst sorting out their fights. They do usually help clean up but sometimes I just need to do it myself and this was one of those days. It restores my peace and calm, ha! 

So finally as they settle down from fighting and actually playing I sat down on the garden furniture with my iced green tea and music.

Hmmm I thought the girls are playing really well and as I looked up there was the scene… a shit load of flour on the grass wtf and then I followed the trail I saw the trampoline was now a layer of white with 2 ghost girls bouncing up and down creating flour dust oh for fuck sake… actually who cares let them have fun for now. 

Just then I see a figure, I turn and see there was DaddySingh. Frowning because no one saw him or heard him at the door so he had to come through the side and then see a disaster. 

He just looks at me, says nothing and marches in to the house as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

So me and the girls jumped into the trampoline cleaned off the flour and had a bounce, well actually I got jumped on and lost the battle of ‘get up if you can’ 

Oh I did blow a candle though on my favourite protein cookie and yes I did sort that out by myself too, meh. 

So just a normal Saturday with extra wind ups and even moodier DaddySingh, the mood swings went on through the evening to night, so it definitely didnt finish off with a bang, if you get my drift…

Next year I might just jet off by myself, on a self care adventure, actually that sounds like a very good idea. 

The time it all went wrong 

The time it all went wrong 

At the family program today we had already gone in to bow to guruji and given seva, the kids were running around outside in the back garden and it was time to do Seva again but trying to get P and E to go was not happening, they were so busy playing however the minute they sepearated in to different directions I managed to grab E and go for it.

Threw my shoes off and went in, around the corner and past the ladies sitting on the floor. The keertan was in full mode and the sangat were really enjoying the vibe. 

I went to go bow and couldn’t go any further, E was stuck. I couldn’t move her forwards, come on! 

I tugged and tugged again but each time she went back again, what is going on, I just want to muttha tehk. Why can’t I muttha tehk?

Suddenly the keertan on my left gets louder, the sound of the vaaja and tabla surrounds us and I feel my face go red. 

Why am I going red? Whilst unsuccessfully tugging E forwards.

Why was she not going down forwards, as I turned to my right and looked down, an auntie was holding her foot and then I realised, omg, she’s still wearing her shoes, shit ( I might have said that out loud, infact I definitely did). I laughed but no-one else did,(hucc humm. Cue the cheesy grin)

She whipped her shoes off and I carried on to bow to guru ji. E gave the Seva and just looked ahead. Muttha tehk E, mutha thehk.

So she starts to take all the coins out of the tray.

No E muttha tehk! As I put the coins back in, but she then starts faffing around.

The keertan, just like a movie dramatic moment. No sorry Star Plus moment. Yup, I could see the back and forth camera effect on us right now. (Is this how seeta felt? Or was it Geeta? Maybe it was preeto? Ill ask my mum later, ha)

Oh ffs, she knows what to do, I mean she really knows what to do.

E! Muttha tehk sweety.. .

So she stands up and slams down on her bum stretching her legs out. Her right foot hits the seva tray and the seva flies out, followed by her left foot, which comes in knocks it the other way and now the seva is all over the place. 

Wtf! Is going on. Nooooo E do muttha tehk now! I quickly put it all in the tray, we finally bow down and go to leave the room. 

E wants to stay with her Nannie and sits in her lap, so off i went to reduce my unusually red face (…).

10 minutes later i went to check on her and saw her knocked out sleeping in her nan’s arms. 

Nooooooo! She’s not going to sleep at bedtime now! 


The hospital part

I needed the loo so casually began to get out of bed, but suddenly I could feel a strange sensation, it was everywhere. There was pressure pushing downwards and my sides were squeezing in towards the belly button.

As I landed on the loo in so much pain, I felt nauseous, my body was contracting and there was blood, lots of blood. I swung for a bag and vomited, it was so intense i remember involuntarily crying, due to the pain and physical shock. 

My body was shivering, I felt faint and weak with all that blood loss but then it all started again, the vomiting and the contractions, how many times would this happen?

…eventually after waiting for some time just to be sure, I decided to have a shower to help me relax and go back to sleep.

I went to hospital that morning, by the afternoon after several checks I was in a room and was explained the rest of the process. 

Through out the whole night I was awoken by a nurse to take a bunch of pills and have my observations done. Every loo trip had to be assessed so that meant going on one of those bed pans.

As I went passed the room next to me I saw the lady, clearly further along in her pregnancy I couldn’t help but feel worse for her.

Not because my loss was any less but as pregnancy continues the bank of memories, ideas, emotions build up and so we end up dealing if more and more layers of grief attached to those images and feelings. 

By no means does that suggest a measure on ones grief, everyone’s feelings are valid and you have a right to go through them. It just felt like that with me in that moment, because regardless of what I’m going through I always hear a voice saying ‘it could be a lot worse, be grateful for what you have got’

DaddySingh slept on the recliner seat right next to me and he was ace. He was definitely uncomfortable in that chair, but he was there throughout the night. Although I moan at him for being moody (hehehe) I did feel and still am grateful for how supportive and understanding he was then and still is. Especially whilst dealing with his own feeling, after all he lost a baby too. 

After a long wait to be discharged, going home was a relief. 

Well, Kind of.

15 moments of a British Indian mum…Part 1

Things that remind me that im a British Indian mummy…

  1. You get a stain on your salwar kameez (indian suit) before you have even left the house. Could be turmeric, could be tomatoe sauce but your creative dupputa (scarf) settings skills kick in and just pray no one notices.  
  2. You think twice before you put your red lipstick on when going out with your kids. Lip lock, you failed me and cracked up my lips! 
  3. You finally get to the venue and feel like you need a shower and start again but your kids look all polished, shiney and oh so sweet and innocent. Why why why meee!
  4. The state of your chunni makes you look like you really haven’t got a clue what your doing. Then that maaji shouts out don’t you know how to set your dupputa? Is she (so and so’s) daughter in law? A range of profanity hits your mind but like a pro, just act cool and say hanji! 
  5. You get to the gurdwara/venue and your children want prashaad/food immediately! Like they never get fed at home. 
  6. Your little one will only eat dhaal, yoghurt, roti and rice or a combination of these. Where ever u go. 
  7. There’s something wrong with the dhaal. It’s not the right dhaal, maybe it smells different or isn’t yellow enough?! Who knows but they are not going to eat it because you know it’s not the ‘dhaal dhaal’…
  8. Your little one doesn’t eat roti. What’s roti? Ah did you mean a rosti? 
  9. You consider letting your child go hungry, they cant keep doing this, they have to eat at some point, maybe they’ll give up and eat soon…and then maaji shouts out all the wrong alternatives and yup, out comes the back up food…chips! Noooo, oh forget it just eat!
  10. Your daughters salwar/trousers keep falling and suddenly the floor is being swept clean. Who needs a broom!
  11. You have only been at the function 10 minutes and your little boys joori/hair is all over the place. Didn’t you combe his hair?
  12. Head scarf/Chunni is a toy and not to cover your head with. ok, maybe just for the first 5 minutes, then we will swing it around! You now feel judged and that maaji makes you feel like an irresponsible mum. 
  13. Maaji (with good intentions) comes to your aid as a magic pacifier and gets offended when fails because your child really doesn’t know them and isn’t listening to anyone no matter who you are, especially random Maaji. Maaji is surprised and walks away muttering but you know she’ll come back for another go, and maybe even pull out a lollipop.

Have you experienced any of these or do you have your own moments that remind you of being mummy in around an Indian culture? 

Disclaimer. Honestly I have nothing against Maaji’s and no Maaji was hurt in the events of these experiences. That I know of…

Part 2 coming soon

I lost a day today

So most of this morning I was thinking it’s still Friday! That is until hubby pointed out that it’s Saturday and I had to check my phone to reestablish reality, I lost a day and it’s New Years Eve. 

That felt annoying, but also a welcoming thought of positive new adventures and creations.

Thank you all for following me and my Journey so far in my life and being so supportive and encouraging.

I hope you continue to enjoy my blog and new adventures into the new year and beyond.

Have an epic new year!

Medical Management or not? 

My soul felt heavy as we discussed the process of medical management and the option of just leaving everything to happen by itself.  I felt like I was about commit a sin, something that I would never have even dreamt of doing, even though I knew I wasn’t killing anyone, the baby had passed on and that Is what we needed to remember. 

Yes my baby’s Soul had passed on and now I needed to physically recover but that didn’t make it any easier. I was a mother talking about our baby still inside me and I still had to go through a load of shit.

We decided it was best to cancel our holiday to Greece, because of not knowing how and when the miscarriage would begin. I’m sure people go through this in Greece but did I really want to be sitting in a hospital whilst on holiday? Hmm I don’t know, but I felt more comfortable knowing my surroundings I guess. 

I didn’t tell work about it, my colleagues asked about greece and I said due to a loss in the family we had to cancel the trip, which was a vague fact, so I didnt lie just didnt specify the detail of the loss. Why? I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them, plus the fact that I pretty much knew I was about to lose my job, I kind of realised I actually should have left a long time ago, so maybe the universe was kicking my ass out of the door for me. 

​Eventually though, I took that pill. I felt like I was being watched and judged by a thousand eyes.  The Doctors explained very clearly what to expect in the next 24 hrs, so I was aware of what to expect but of course I didn’t know how and when.

That evening I went to bed wondering what exactly was about to happen…

The Missing BBC series 2

The Missing BBC series 2

If you haven’t been watching, why the hell not? where have you been? 

With the penultimate episode just aired this evening, with yet another amazing cliffhanger. The missing Series 2 has to be the best I have seen in a long time. excellent writing and fantastic cast. 

I think a lot of fans would agree that you almost feel like booking tickets to Switzerland to rescue those girls and give Baptiste a hug, bless him. 

Does anyone else think Lena Garber is in the basement? or maybe she was the one burning in the shed? 

Can’t wait for the final episode, next Wednesday at 9pm on BBC One.